THE EPIC OF UNCLE TAZ,

UNCLE SAM, AND THE LORD



An angel of God with a fractured wing
was seen by a pay phone one morning in spring.
He was dialling Uncle Sam collect
saying, "Nobody here has got any respect!!
One of your jets from some Air Force Base
knocked me right off my cloud, and I fell on my face!"

Uncle Sam, who was busy with a rehearsal
for that season's kosher hot dog commercial,
realized his job and prestige was in trouble
and that something had to be done on the double.

He said, "Good you decided to give me a ring,
'cause you can't fly to God with that injured wing
But right now I'm too busy making some green,
so IN GOD WE TRUST can be clearly seen.
Go look up my cousin Uncle Taz,
who is looking for angels and all that jazz,
But don't have my job taken away
unless God's Chosen Country be led astray."

So the angel of God went about to see
where this Uncle Taz might possibly be.
He found him deep in the desert at last,
and just like the prophets he'd been on a fast.

When Taz saw the angel of God come walking,
he gave him a beer and engaged in talking.
He said, "Miller, Michelob, Bud or Coors
Drink it Lite or make it yours!
However ridiculous this may sound,
I've been waiting for you and looking around.
The times are rough, and everyone waits
for a prophet in the United States,
But before I can publish my visualization,
Recruit More Distributors
I need some authorized high inspiration."

The angel of God just lit up a joint
and thoughtfully answered, "You've got a good point ­
But before you can dish out a new Holy Book,
we'll have to make sure that you're not just a crook!
Besides, how can you expect us to tell
whether or not you're a spy outa Hell?"

So Taz was brought to Intelligence Quarters
(up on the beach by the Holy Waters).
They scanned the computer and named him Saint
a title most proper and fitting and quaint.

Uncle Taz was a frivolous elf on the level
Son of the famous
Tazmanian Devil!
He left his home for a better scam:
To join the league of his cousin Sam.

So The Book of Taz was written and sent
to sages all over the continent
A journey to Infinity
to establish this curious trinity
with due respect and in proper accord:
Uncle Taz, Uncle Sam, and (of course) the Lord!


- Tarjei Straume, Phoenix 1980

 

 

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