THE EPIC OF THE PREACHER, THE COP, AND THE HOOKER


A preacher, a cop, and a hooker
had dinner together one day.
The prostitute was a good looker,
and the preacher had little to say.

The cop ate his pork chops with gravy
(a cannibal, you might conclude);
The preacher, a saint from the Navy,
was carefully nibbling his food.

The preacher, the cop, and the hooker
just argued and rambled away.
The cop told the girl that he'd book her
if she didn't agree with his say.

The hooker just chewed her potato,
ignoring the threat with a shrug;
The preacher blushed like a tomato
when she gave him a kiss and a hug.

The preacher, the cop, and the hooker
got wasted together that night.
The girl didn't care where they took her
as long as they treated her right.

The girl got them high on Hawaiian,
which she'd scored from a few other whores;
The cop did the hard liquor buying,
and the preacher bought one case of Coors.

The preacher, the cop, and the hooker
checked into a quiet motel;
The girl paid the tab, and it shook her
when the preacher lost balance and fell.

The party had been at its highlight
in the officer's black-and-white car.
They passed out and slept in the twilight,
having had their menáge â trois.

The hooker, the cop, and the preacher
are buddies like you've never met;
Because each is the other two's teacher -
They make a magnificent set.

- Tarjei Straume, Los Angeles 1983

 

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